The results were not as planned.
He then gave the rest of the world lessons in how to cover up a crime and how to run away from a drowning woman.
Sadly for the Democrats, this derailed his chances to become president.
But he never spent a minute in jail, despite failing to report his crime for over 10 hours.
Odd, innit, how well that worked out for him.
Mary Jo was, sadly, unable to comment.