Ted Kennedy gave Mary Jo Kopechene some lessons in how to drive while intoxicated which resulted in her attempting to learn about breathing water.
The results were not as planned.
He then gave the rest of the world lessons in how to cover up a crime and how to run away from a drowning woman.
Sadly for the Democrats, this derailed his chances to become president.
But he never spent a minute in jail, despite failing to report his crime for over 10 hours.
Odd, innit, how well that worked out for him.
Mary Jo was, sadly, unable to comment.