Truth:

Allison McKenzie was in the family apartment in Edinburgh.

The 17 year old was looking in the mirror in the family room one afternoon and wistfully cupping her young small breasts.

“I wish they were bigger like Colleen McDougals” she whispered.

At that very moment, her father Angus McKenzie and her mother, Louise were passing by.

Angus said heartily, “Och aye Lassie, if ya want ’em to grow bigger, take a piece of paper and gently rub it between them. Do this at least one or twice daily. Trust me, they’ll grow”.

Both Allison and Louise looked at him strangely.

“Aye lassies, trust me, it is a secret every man learns. Once or more daily,…and it’ll happen. Some things men learn and women never see, even though it’s right in front of  them. Men know such things….Just as women have their lore, so do men.”

The two women looked skeptical, but the moment passed and everyone went on about their business that day.

Young Allison, however, did not forget, and she tried Angus’s secret cure. Every day, she took a piece of tissue and rubbed it between her breasts, morning and nighttime,

She did this for months.

Again, in the family room, she was examining herself critically, “Father, she said, I don’t think your “secret” worked. Me breasts haven’t gotten any bigger. Not one tiny bit. I’m thinkin’ that you said that just to make me feel better. Or perhaps you were lyin'”

Angus looked up from where he and Louise were watching the telly at the other end of the room.

“Strange, it worked so well on yer Mother’s arse….”

Angus will be buried in Edinburgh cemetery on Thursday….

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